oh.my.god.
on the very first page after you log in to paypal, where is says "overview" at the top left under "account" the second word to the right of the is "withdraw". highlight, drop down menu, "transfer to bank account" or "request a check"

I'll send you a damn check if that makes it easier for you lol. I have time to wait for mail, not so much to spend 4 hours driving for taillights