Originally Posted by blaxican25
My wife won't let me use natural enhancements anymore, since I took a pill of Viagra and almost caused her to need a hysterectomy. Something about severe uterine bruising.
She's calling you from my phone. She checks to see what bitches have been calling me during the day and she calls them late at night to tell them to stay the hell away. I guess she figures since you call begging for me cock 20 times a day, you must be a woman. Sadly enough, she says you're still awake at 3AM wearing your father's lingerie and masturbating to pictures of Bea Arthur wearing a strap on.
Tell her to quit lying to you man. It wasn't my father's lingerie, it was HERS. It's not my problem they make your wife's g-strings out of retired sumo uniforms but damnit when a 300-lb horny bitch tells you to put on her panties or she's gonna sit on your face, you listen!
And I haven't seen your mom in a while, so she sent me a picture to whack off to when I'm lonely at night . . .
. . . but she said that if you gave me any trouble just remind you who the first person she used that strap on with was and ask why you never peeked at your sister in the shower again after that night . . .